we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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