Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
