Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
