I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
