Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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