So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
