Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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