I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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