You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
