Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
