You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
