why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
