look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
