My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
