Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
