I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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