planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
