we're chasing vodka with high fives
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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