So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
