I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
