I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
