and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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