I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
