evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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