i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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