Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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