I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the day after is always just damage control
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
