He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
