I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
