Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
