I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
