i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
