I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
