Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
