I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
