Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
