Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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