feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
