I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
