I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My ATM looks so different sober.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
