I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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