I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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