apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
