Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
