so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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