lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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