when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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