my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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