I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
