I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
